ULQUIORRA'S DATING TIPS

[a record of emoness]

If you're in need of some serious dating advice, or in other words, your girlfriend's mom isn't picking up on those pick up lines you tried earler, this is the correct site for your avevrage gangely nerd (meaning you, fool.). Pertaining to me and Orihime Matsuda, (or Grimmjow, based on recent rumers which I will indeed exterminate. Who would date a guy named Grimmjow Crackerjacks?) I need not for these mere tips. I am above everything.

Tip numero 1
If you want the special attention of your special someone, make sure to always imply that they should stop eating too much. This makes the point clear that you'd love their figure to be perfect, and you'll stick with them even though it isn't. Girls love to hear that they've almost made it (but not quite) to their perfect goal of being thin.

Tip numero 2
If you want a second date with your special someone, always insist on taking them to the second viewing of the opera, even though you've already seen the first. Even if they say they don't want to. When girls say no they always mean yes. Unless, of course, the question is about you, and how your socks don't match.

Tip numero 4
Did you notice that I skipped tip numero 3? Tips that you're a nerd:
you just looked up to check if I skipped number 3.
You're now laughing that you looked, confirming your nerdiness.
If you want a girl/boyfriend you need to stop being so nerdy. I SAID STOP IT.

Tip numero 5
Always, always, always, and I mean always, call your girlfriend a "woman". Refer to her as such, and whenever going out, always remember to say, "Come with me, Woman." Always use a demanding tone of voice, and direct all of your silent anger towards her. It makes her feel special, and will no doubt bring out stronger feelings of loyalty and love from her pitiful, mortal soul.